You know its going to be a good one when the story starts out "so i met this guy....."
well this is one of those!
So i was a few drinks in when i had walked up to, for all purposes we will call him by this name "tatted beast". So i had walked up to tatted beast and proclaimed in one of my more gin soaked voices, that he looked like a tatted beast...
and thats where it all began.........
So Tatted beast and i had chatted back and forth over numerous text messages, where i had come to learn that he was originally from Berlin, and while he was living back over there he used to be a porn star. If that wasnt the first red flag, the second came when my two private investigators Autuumn and Brian had found that he had only joined facebook a few months ago.. weird right?
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| photo obtained through my private investigators Autumn and Brian |
So after a few days and some seemingly forceful text messages on tatted beasts behalf, i thought hey what the hell atleast i can get a few free drinks and an interesting conversation out of this date. So i got ready in a pretty casual outfit and headed out the door to go meet up with Tatted Beast at a local bar.
So as i uncomfortably sat, trying to sound interested in what the beast had to say.. my mind wondered.. what was i going to eat for breakfast tomorrow? do i have dog food? how it would be funny if me and elvis both didnt have food and we became all ragey cause we were hungry and tired... but then i snapped out of it when the beast asked me what my favorite book was. At the this point, i had actually started to think that he might be normal, or atleast we would be able to chat about books and our favorite authors. So i replied " well at the moment im reading Crystal castle for about the 4th time cause i cant seem to find another book i can really get into.. whats yours?" and without even skipping a beat he replies "the bible"
OH DEAR
mind you, i have no problem with religious people or even if your favorite book is the bible.. i mean personally being the nice jewish girl that i am, i havent had the chance or urge to actually read the bible.. i mean im more of a non-fiction reader so the bible isnt exactly up my alley LOL
So seeing this as an opportunity i asked " well if thats your favorite.. whats your second favorite?"
At this point i had still thought maybe this guy actually reads and maybe we could continue from here... but no he hits me with "oh my second favorite book is Mien Kampf.. and i veiw it as more of a religion as apposed to even a book" ... so being the nice jewish girl i am i almost shit my pants!
Thoughts raced through my mind... does he know im jewish? is he going to skin me and make me into a lamp shade? does the bathroom have a window low enought ot he ground so i can escape this horror?
At this point i was completely zoned out as he told me about his grandfather being a nazi, how hitler was a visionary and how he even had Jim Henson tattoos on him even though he was a jew...
I did the typical stretch and yawn, but i could tell the best just wasnt getting it. so after about 20 minutes of fake yawning, i lied and had said i had a super early day and would have to cut this charming evening short.
AS i sprinted to my car, all i could think was "Wow.... this sweet little jewish girl just went on a date with a nazi!
xoxo - May
